Enjoy this handout of the 4 Lies Christians Believe that Cause Us to Say Yes When We Need to Say No!
If the answer to any of these questions is "Yes," I would love to help you move forward!
But you just say, “Yes,” like you always do? And then after you say, “Yes,” you get angry with yourself and resent that person for asking you, as you know they knew you would say “yes?”
Then you go down that familiar path of feeling overwhelmed, trying to figure out where you’ll make time for this new responsibility.
Or perhaps you are a doctor and you don’t want to prescribe something as you feel the risks outweigh the benefits, but you don’t know how to convey that, so you just write the prescription?
Or perhaps you are a parent and you just can’t tell your child “No,” even though you know it’s the best thing to do?
By the end of this course, you will be confident in when, why and how to let your yes be yes and your no be no—free of guilt or resentment, so you can live your purpose!
Peace in NOing has been designed to help you learn when, why and how to say no—and still honor God and others.
This course is for Christians who struggle with people pleasing, overcommitting, overwhelming feelings, distraction from purpose, and the relationship problems that accompany these characteristics.
Learning when, why and how to say no when you need to will improve your quality of life. The ability to say no is foundational to your health: physical, spiritual, financial, relational, and mental.
My name is Jen Wisdom-Schepers. I’m a Medical Doctor and Board-Certified Psychiatrist. I’ve seen this in countless patients. And I have lived it myself.
I have worked in a variety of medical settings, mostly with people struggling with anxiety, depression, relationship conflicts, boundary issues, and addictions.
But most importantly, I’m a Christian. I believe the Bible is the actual Word of God, and that God ministers to us through His Word.
Essentially, I teach what I call emotional wisdom. Wisdom is the ability to exercise sound judgement and discern what is true or right. Emotional has to do with feelings.
So learning what is true and lasting about your feelings and thoughts will transform your heart, relationships, and health, as well as give you a clear sense of your identity and purpose. And learning when, why and how to say no is very often the first step in this process.
I help people identify and resolve underlying reasons for saying “Yes” when they really want or need to say “No.”
Several years ago, I was hospitalized for chest pain. My former Chief Resident-now-cardiologist spoke truthfully and with kindness, “Jen, you’ve got to learn to deal with this or it will get worse. IT'S STRESS AND ANXIETY. Your heart is fine.”
Whoa! What a wake-up call! After all, I’m a psychiatrist, trained to help others learn how to manage anxiety and stress!
The inciting stressor had to do with my people pleasing and need for approval. The removal of a clinic manager helped for a while. But then I began having horrible panic attacks. All the while, keeping this secret from all but those who were directly impacted by it.
I knew at that time that my forte was in brief treatment and that many of my patients tended to get better after we identified and started to problem-solve specific areas.
As I looked over my life, I realized that I had never implemented healthy boundaries and self-care, something I had successfully taught to numerous patients by then. I had never learned how to say NO myself! My life was heading out of control!
As a child, I learned to be a yes-girl. I said YES to unhealthy, codependent relationships. I said YES to unequally yoked business partnerships that turned out very badly. I said YES to myself too much (when shopping or eating, for example). I said YES to so many things in high school and college, that there were many times I was double- or triple-booked.
...of things I had said YES to in the past. People who had taken advantage of me, time I had given up. I realized that when I had said YES to one thing, I inherently said NO to another.
And that other thing was usually more important to my purpose and priorities.
The lightbulbs started going off--I needed to say no!
I backed away from any volunteer capacity and I backed away from many people. My pat first answer was, “No.” I went as far the other way as I could.
There were things God had called me to, and other things I enjoyed. I could finally see how I needed to be able to say YES and NO in order to be healthy and free of regret. That was when I realized I will help more people when I operate within my strengths and from a place of personal growth. I started sharing what I was learning with my patients. What I found was that this is a key piece of healing and recovery for many people.
That’s why I want to help you know how, when & why to say NO...
...so you can know how, when and why to say YES! I want you to know the freedom to be able to say “Yes” or “No” based on your goals and priorities. I want you to have healthy relationships in which you are not dependent on another person (other than God) for your identity and purpose.
Don’t you want this, too? Join me
Are you a Christian who has trouble saying no and as a result, you are chronically distracted by overwhelming commitments, toxic schedules and strained relationships?
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is toidentify and resolve the underlying reasons why you struggle to say ‘no’.
By the end of this 4-week beta LIVE group coaching course, you will be confident in when, how and why to let your yes be yes and your no be no--free of guilt or resentment so you can live your God-given purpose!
You will have:
Healthier relationships as you learn to implement boundaries, speak truth and set limits
Greater understanding of your priorities and how your choices impact your God-given purpose
A clear understanding of who you are and (sometimes more importantly, who you aren't)
Discover the Peace in NOing in this 4-week LIVE group coaching course!
Limited space available and starting soon!
The first step of our process begins with YOU!
If I know you, you may have lost some of who you are by being too available to others.
So this first module will be available to you immediately upon joining and is focused on your God-given identity: who you were made to be.
Your identity is foundational as it will increase your confidence and direction, which will help you distill your purpose.
Discover (or be reminded of) your strengths and how you tend to operate when at your best.
Dig into your calling, your goals and what’s important to you.
Explore your passions, preferences, personality, priorities, and purpose.
Boost your self-confidence.
Next we will learn the bulk of the skills as I really want you to be able to practice and make changes during the course.
Skills and exercises in this section:
How to choose when and why to say yes to some things and no to others.
How to say "no" in a kind yet assertive way.
How and why to develop personal policies.
How and why to establish God-honoring self-care.
Then we'll look at how you are relating with others. When you say "yes" (or simply choose not to give your real opinion when asked so you don't "stir things up"), you are not only hurting yourself. You are hurting the other person too. Part of the reason is that your relationship is not built on truth, but actually fraud. Yikes!
Explore the concept of a healthy inner circle and see how your closest people affect you.
Sort out the burdens you are carrying and determine who is actually responsible for them. What did Jesus do?
Assess your current state of affairs.
Evaluate for codependence and other red flags in your life.
Once we understand our identity and our current relationship state of affairs, we can uncover the roots of overcommitment and the reasons we just can't say "no."
We will expose fears, lies, mindsets and past events that have infiltrated our hearts and keep us from authentic identities and relationships. I will teach you how to overcome these and move forward with confidence. And without guilt or shame. Without understanding the whys, we won’t be willing to say the "no's" we need to say!
As you can see, this course is not just going to teach you how to say no. I want you to know why you struggle to say no, and how to change what is at the root. I want you to know when, why and how to say yes or no. Without guilt. Without resentment.
The Bible clearly tells us that we are at war—not with flesh but with unseen powers and principalities—so I have a challenge for you, soldier. Your first short-term mission in the quest for emotional wisdom: Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to identify and resolve the underlying reasons why you struggle to say no when you know you need to, and learn when, why and how to say yes or no based on your priorities and purpose.
Are you in?
If you accept this mission and implement these strategies, you will live YOUR purpose. You will have time for what is important to you, and for what God has called you to. Your relationships will be more authentic and rich. You will also learn how to care for yourself in a God-honoring unselfish way. Learning when, why and how to say yes or no based on your priorities and purpose will bring you a peace and freedom that you previously only dreamed about. And your children will learn from you!
I have developed this course for your educational benefit and it is not intended to be diagnostic or a form of treatment. That said, there are sensitive parts of your life that you will be exploring. Some of you may have had some very difficult childhood traumas and may need to work through your feelings and thoughts with the help of a trained counselor. Please don’t hesitate to do so!
Embark on this mission now. It’s a process. Enjoy it! You and your children (and your grandchildren) will be glad you did.
"I’ve been saying yes to so many things my whole life for fear of letting others down or feeling guilty for not being there. All those times I’ve said yes, I’ve been saying no to something else. ...It’s really amazing to see how easy it is to work through once you realize it and how to deal with it!"
Learn how, when & why to say NO while honoring God & others!
Accessible on any device!
Lifetime access to material!
Lots of personal attention, as this is a Beta course!
Steep discount in exchange for your input!
"You have changed my life! Years later, I am still using what you taught me about boundaries!"
“I want to mention a few “wisdom points” that stood out: ‘As a believer, your identity is based on Whose we are rather than our sin….Sleep is critical to your defenses. Dealing quickly with our emotions as they happen is wisdom. You give so many helpful ways of remembering, i.e.,…the FLIP method…Thank you…”
I teach emotional wisdom to Christians using a combination of self-care, coping skills and boundaries. I specialize in helping people dealing with relationship issues, people pleasing, inability to say "no," identity uncertainty, chaotic schedules, poor or inconsistent self-care, anxiety, depression and addiction.
Let me help you understand your true identity, which will then improve your self-care and relationships. I'll also teach you many skills so you can manage your thoughts and feelings. Then you'll be free to live your God-given purpose, saying "Yes" or "No" as God leads (and not just to give in to others' expectations).
A FEW FAQs (FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS)
"Why Do You Charge Money?"
I will tell you that I really love seeing people get free! And that is one of the reasons that I charge money for these programs. In my experience, we really do get what we pay for. When we get something for free, we tend not to value it, but when we invest in something, we tend to get our money's worth. If you get products for free, you will probably not do the work that only you can do to change your life. So you won't get results. And I really love to see results! (Trust me, you will too!)
"Will You Be My Doctor or Therapist?"
No. I will not be providing any medical evaluation or treatment. If we agree that we are a good fit, I will be your Coach. Think about what happens when you worked with a coach. Ideally, with a good fit, you will set better goals that motivate you. A good coach provides structure, accountability and support. And one more essential thing: a good coach teaches you skills and then helps you to practice them until the skills are second nature.
"What's the Difference Between Coaching and Consulting?"
Coaching can be seen as a form of consulting. Traditional consulting is expertise and knowledge based, essentially just state the problem and options for solutions without providing any details or direction about how to implement them. With my area of expertise, I could simply charge for consulting. But I know that you'll get better results when I work with you through the implementation and transformation stages.
"What If I Want Your Help But Can't Afford It?"
In that case, sign up to receive emails and I will send you updates. Purchase a copy of Emotional Wisdom and do all the associated activities.
NOW I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS FOR YOU!
Do You Want to Change and Grow?
Here's an old joke: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but the lightbulb has to want to change.
What am I saying? I can't make you change. Only you can change you. Well, can't God change me, you may ask? Yes and no. Yes, of course He can change you. BUT He loves you enough to allow you to make choices, even if they are poor choices. Just read through the Old Testament and you'll see that if God would have changed people, He would have as He got really tired of the way the Israelites kept making the same mistakes (and said so). (And we do the same thing, don't we?)
So, it's up to you.
Are you ready to live in more peaceful and authentic relationships?
Are you ready to uncover the lies you believe about who you are and understand your true identity?
Are you ready to stop the crazy busyness that just distracts you from your purpose?
If so, JOIN ME!